I lay down
I lay down to
I lay down to rest, neighbor
And the dark [there was a shadow form to my
right by the bed approaching I thought might be a man, my husband in the
shadows coming toward me. I reached for it and when I realized it wasn’t him, I
knew I was in the presence of the divine]....
And I thought,
I thought I had died
I had not died, not even close
But I raised my hands from my bed and it was
nothing solid, not my husband
Not a robber not a a brugh a fluk [struggling
to find the words]…it was it was it I don’t know…if I should tell you
You might lock me up --
it was so near that I could…
It saw me swallow
It was so near I saw it throb
It was so near I could I thought I could…if I
wanted to I could have seen it four headed soul..
I could have seen the pattern on the tiles of
streets of gold
I could have gone all the way up to the top of
the divine and seen/spent my remaining days in visions that were mine
that he alone would give me
and I don’t have to tell a thing
but if I did that
then I would not have a [sigh] song for you
and you might not think there was anything at
all above my head
you might have thought it all something bad
that I had chewed instead
but you would have been more wrong and I would
have been…
you would have been misled if I had stayed
there longer and enjoyed
the sun on my head
I would have not had a strength to leave there
if I had not left
right when--
If I had not leaned right over to the bed and
turned the mic on again
I would not have had…
Another thought
I would have had to pretend
I would have had everything I wanted and again
But I would not have had you with me and that
is what he wants, my friend
And that is why I lay down again on the bed
And said I want you there with me
I want you with him my friend because he is
the color
from which all other colors have been sent
And he is the only rhyme that men have wrent
and he
is the only time keeper that for which time’s been sent
and if this song touches any, thank him not me
the end
****
I think I know
why post scripts are so common place
It is because
God [sobbing] never wants to hide his face
Never wanted to
begin with but it’s only because we can’t see
His inside on
us and retain our human sense
And he for
whatever reason seems to think we smell just fine
Better than
ambergris, better than dirty roses, better than [long pause] archangels
[thinking more
than archangels, more …better than archangels more….we smell better than…the
vine that doesn’t have big branches and that’s all the straw’s (or dross’s
[has]) been burnt behind
It didn’t need
to happen any other way if he could have had you without it burning he would
have
[sigh]
He would have
He would have
He would have
Absolutely done
it that way
But even though
he burned up all that was not kind and good
I do not smell
a single sip, no tinge of soot on his lamb’s wool
Or if it is
there
My nose is such
that …my nose is such that…[sigh] such that redeemed noses could/would…
Such that only new
noses understood
I did not know
that air and salt and blood and sweat and tears could taste this good
I did not know
all he had in his plan for this year
I could not
know and I did not know
But still he
understood
My God! My God!
You are not
just kind and good, but all-knowing, too
And intricately
lacing up our souls to dance with you
And that is my
post script and there might be more besides
But you will
have to write them
When he gives
you your lines
And to think if
only men wrote poetry
This one you
would not find
He made them
men and women
He made them
both of kind
He made them
equal, good and kind
We disrupted
nature
We disrupted
good
We invented
scales and things which never could be good
Never could be
good enough
Not just for
him, but for ourselves
Because he made
us to dance on higher shelves
He made us
He made us to
dance with him,
God in Three
And I would not
have believed it
If someone
hadn’t told me
