Sunday, July 9, 2023

This gift I wish to give you…draft no. 2

This gift choosing

is so hard

You can’t imagine how long it took me

while I stood in the aisle

of… Target. Or was it Shopko? Or was it

Marshalls? Or was it Hobby Lobby? Or—

I’ve been to so many

I can’t say exactly --wherever it was I spent

an hour--

I think it might have been more than an


shopping for you [crying and laughter


because I love you and I have never had

the words to show it.

But this Christmas, after pausing so long in

the aisle of whatever store that was

I brought the gift home

(actually, I had purchased two

to hedge my bets

because more than anything I really wished

to give you the gift you really wanted,

the gift that you wouldn’t take back

the gift that had

your name already written on it)

and when I brought the bag home

with these gifts

that I had money more than enough

to spare, I realized

that they would rust and crumble

lose their curb appeal, their song

before the wrappers even hit

the littered floor

I took one back

[long pause]

and gave the other

I wasn’t sure what you’d think

I really wanted you to have the gift

you wanted

Why was I so sad that I could not

give that to you,

when the season we are celebrating

is about a gift that was so perfect,

so well-fitting, so true

and good and permanent

that it would never cross your mind to

refuse it, if you saw it the way it is?

I don’t know if there is a possibility

of a chance that anyone,

if they saw the gift as it truly is,

would turn it away without knowing they

had turned away their very soul

I can’t give you the gift

that I want you to have

but I know who can

And his gift to you this Christmas

is silence

is simplicity

is space



is grace

wooing your

“free will”

so you can see yourself

as he sees you

and be born