This gift choosing
is so hard
You can’t imagine how long it took me
while I stood in the aisle
of… Target. Or was it Shopko? Or was it
Marshalls? Or was it Hobby Lobby? Or—
I’ve been to so many
I can’t say exactly --wherever it was I spent
an hour--
I think it might have been more than an
hour--
shopping for you [crying and laughter
combined]
because I love you and I have never had
the words to show it.
But this Christmas, after pausing so long in
the aisle of whatever store that was
I brought the gift home
(actually, I had purchased two
to hedge my bets
because more than anything I really wished
to give you the gift you really wanted,
the gift that you wouldn’t take back
the gift that had
your name already written on it)
and when I brought the bag home
with these gifts
that I had money more than enough
to spare, I realized
that they would rust and crumble
lose their curb appeal, their song
before the wrappers even hit
the littered floor
I took one back
[long pause]
and gave the other
I wasn’t sure what you’d think
I really wanted you to have the gift
you wanted
Why was I so sad that I could not
give that to you,
when the season we are celebrating
is about a gift that was so perfect,
so well-fitting, so true
and good and permanent
that it would never cross your mind to
refuse it, if you saw it the way it is?
I don’t know if there is a possibility
of a chance that anyone,
if they saw the gift as it truly is,
would turn it away without knowing they
had turned away their very soul
I can’t give you the gift
that I want you to have
but I know who can
And his gift to you this Christmas
is silence
is simplicity
is space
is
stillness
is grace
wooing your
“free will”
so you can see yourself
as he sees you
and be born
anew
