I do not believe the world came from nothing.
But, I do think there is something to be said for the evolutionary theory of
punctuated equilibrium. About four times a year I get these insights and the
rest of the year not so much. Let me tell you about today…no, that was
yesterday. No, the day before yesterday. I lost my coat at St. Vinnie’s with my
car key in it. Found it.
Next day, go back to get a few other things,
make one set of purchases (from the jewelry section, which has to be separate).
Forget my credit card in the slot. They have to give it to me.
Then, looking for some more things there, I go
back and pay for those, and I say to them, “Yeah, I’m remembering my credit
card.” But I had two loads of stuff (at least) and I was so tired because I had
only had two hours of sleep the night before because my thyroid is still off, and
I’m getting all these creative ideas at night. I’m, like, manic. And then
Calvin had fractured his nose playing 6 am basketball, which took most of the
morning just, when I was about to turn in after he had gone to school, having
taken note of the beautiful sunrise for five precious seconds, pausing to thank
God for his care, and I say to them, yeah. That I brought the one load to the
car, after telling the checkout person how excited I was for these purchases to
make this gift for my son…a jackalope. I must have left that bag there, the bag
I was so excited about. I got all the other things, but I have to go back
Monday because the man who sold me the watch has to add a link and he said it
would be ready by Monday. But now I may have to go back at 9 am to see if my
bag is still there. I hope it’s there. I left a message at St. Vinnie’s on
their office line about the whole thing. If anybody listens to this message it
is like a sitcom. So that’s me. And I’m sticking to it.
[Update. Graham was giving me grief and so I
said what I really would like would be if he would offer to help with me like
this. Maybe he could go see if it was there. To my surprise, he agreed. He then
called from the other St. Vinnie’s, asked which one I had shopped at, and
realized he had gone to the wrong one. (I had told him which one I had gone to,
but evidently he had not been listening). So then just as surprisingly, he goes
without protest to the other St. Vinnie’s. Then, I get a call and he is there.
He says there are three bags tied together of people who had left items. I’m
thinking, “Good. I’m not the only one who does this.” He needs to confirm if
they are mine or not because he doesn’t have the receipt. White House puzzle?
Yes. Baskets? Yes. He keeps asking. I keep saying, oh yeah. That was mine, too!
All three bags were mine. He returns home with all of these. I give him husband
of the year award for that.
I come downstairs. It’s 3 am now and I’m unable to sleep. It’s
dark and I’m noticing that a car with flashing lights pulls into our driveway.
Who the heck is that? I have half a mind to believe it is God’s chariot. Then
it backs up and I realize it’s Saturday and maybe this is when the newspaperman
comes. I can relax. Because I still haven't slept much and
wondering if I have to backtrack on the open house. So that I can have room for
a rest and God and creativity. But that would mean a Facebook post announcing
the same. I guess I've gotten to the point where I can learn ...I've learned to
live with that.
This was after a week where God was so
you're buying it still feels like a thin space. I think I understand better
what I was talking about when people meet the holy and fear. It's not so much
that they are afraid but it unsettles everything they thought they knew about
everything and anything is possible --axes floating on water, people rising
from the dead, virgins becoming pregnant, donkeys talking. It seems
that when the Holy shows up lots of weird things happen,
unusual, especially with words: speaking in tongues writing on the walls,
news is all my Christmas shopping’s done. And I didn’t need to go to any store,
no not a one. I didn’t need to. I sent poetry instead. And I think and I hope,
and I know [door slams as Graham walks out to the Community Group event] God’s
[pause] and I know God’s…grinning. I feel him on my forehead. I see him on his
bed. There are different kinds of service. There are different kinds of gifts.
And I do not hold it against him for distributing as he sees fit. And I do not hold
it hurtfully [Graham re-enters to get something, banging around]when someone
misunderstands. I trust that in God’s timing [door slams again as Graham stomps
out a second time] I trust that in God’s timing. I trust God’s always in his
timing got us in his hands. There is so much more I could say, if God wanted me
to, but I think that at the moment all that has been done will do. I think that
because he has a plan for me and you. He has a plan…what are you going to do?
I forgot there was a party we were scheduled
to attend. I forgot because I was in God’s presence and he was grinning. I saw
him grinning from end to end. I forgot, I didn’t mean to misremember. I think I
must have been in a different time zone then. I forgot and he was so upset. So
unlike his truest self. And this time, I thought I’m not going to be angry at
him. It’s how Joseph must have felt. How could Joseph know or trust Mary before
God came to him? My husband’s not the enemy. Satan will not win. I know God
will visit him. I don’t know how or when. But I trust God will visit him. And
we’ll travel together. We’ll travel everywhere together in the world from end
to end. We’ll travel there. We’ll travel anywhere God sends. Once God visits
both of us and helps us to be best friends. I can wait forever. It’s not that
long, you see, because forever is how long God would wait for me. Forever will
seem like nothing when we are on the other side. It will seem like just the
preface to another play he’ll write. And I thought I was just a poet and I
don’t have much skill in rhyme (that’s a lie, I didn’t mean that), but I don’t
know how to tell time, but I’m not good at keeping time, but I think we each
get there just in time and when we’re there, the ones of us who take him as
their friend will know a story that doesn’t have an end. An eternal story is
the only kind an eternal Savior sends. I am so glad that you and I and him are
about me asking Cal to bring garbage can in. Me: Too sick to do the garbage,
but not too sick to go to school and play tennis? Cal: I powered through the commitment unlike
you who …last Sunday…