Friday, July 14, 2023

On the Bed, draft no. 1


He loves you

I lay down

I lay down to

I lay down to rest, neighbor

And the dark [there was a shadow form to my right by the bed approaching I thought might be a man, my husband in the shadows coming toward me. I reached for it and when I realized it wasn’t him, I knew I was in the presence of the divine]....

And I thought,

I thought I had died

I had not died, not even close

But I raised my hands from my bed and it was nothing solid, not my husband

Not a robber not a a brugh a fluk [struggling to find the words]…it was it was it I don’t know…if I should tell you

You might lock me up --

it was so near that I could…

It saw me swallow

It was so near I saw it throb

It was so near I could I thought I could…if I wanted to I could have seen it four headed soul..

I could have seen the pattern on the tiles of streets of gold

I could have gone all the way up to the top of the divine and seen/spent my remaining days in visions that were mine

that he alone would give me

and I don’t have to tell a thing

but if I did that

then I would not have a [sigh] song for you

and you might not think there was anything at all above my head

you might have thought it all something bad that I had chewed instead

but you would have been more wrong and I would have been…

you would have been misled if I had stayed there longer and enjoyed

the sun on my head

I would have not had a strength to leave there

if I had not left

right when--

If I had not leaned right over to the bed and turned the mic on again

I would not have had…

Another thought

I would have had to pretend

I would have had everything I wanted and again

But I would not have had you with me and that is what he wants, my friend

And that is why I lay down again on the bed

And said I want you there with me

I want you with him my friend because he is the color

from which all other colors have been sent

And he is the only rhyme that men have wrent

 and he is the only time keeper that for which time’s been sent

and if this song touches any, thank him not me

the end



I think I know why post scripts are so common place

It is because God [sobbing] never wants to hide his face

Never wanted to begin with but it’s only because we can’t see

His inside on us and retain our human sense

And he for whatever reason seems to think we smell just fine

Better than ambergris, better than dirty roses, better than [long pause] archangels

[thinking more than archangels, more …better than archangels more….we smell better than…the vine that doesn’t have big branches and that’s all the straw’s (or dross’s [has]) been burnt behind

It didn’t need to happen any other way if he could have had you without it burning he would have


He would have

He would have

He would have

Absolutely done it that way

But even though he burned up all that was not kind and good

I do not smell a single sip, no tinge of soot on his lamb’s wool

Or if it is there

My nose is such that …my nose is such that…[sigh] such that redeemed noses could/would…

Such that only new noses understood

I did not know that air and salt and blood and sweat and tears could taste this good

I did not know all he had in his plan for this year

I could not know and I did not know

But still he understood

My God! My God!

You are not just kind and good, but all-knowing, too

And intricately lacing up our souls to dance with you

And that is my post script and there might be more besides

But you will have to write them

When he gives you your lines


And to think if only men wrote poetry

This one you would not find

He made them men and women

He made them both of kind

He made them equal, good and kind

We disrupted nature

We disrupted good

We invented scales and things which never could be good

Never could be good enough

Not just for him, but for ourselves

Because he made us to dance on higher shelves


He made us

He made us to dance with him,

God in Three

And I would not have believed it

If someone hadn’t told me