Sunday, June 25, 2023

Poems for My Patients, draft no. 1

 

By Jen Hunt, LPC

Sometimes, when my patients are working on an exercise in session, I have a few moments to myself. Occasionally, I use that time to write them a rough draft of a poem, which I give to them at the end of the session. Here are some of the ones I've done over the years. (All identifying information has been removed.) 

My Savior is with me

All day and night

He’s led me through valleys

I’ve found the green grass

I’m peaceful, contented,

His child first and last

His burden is easy,

His yoke holds me fast.

--

What’s it like to play all day?

What’s it like to have something to say?

Something to share and someone who cares

Someone who stays and dries all my tears?

I never knew that in my childhood, years

But I can explore that now, in here

Or in a journal to myself

A note with my inner child’s help.

--

Held back for a time

The next  year is mine

I’ve said my goodbyes

On God’s wings I’ll fly

With worship, healing, friends in view

I am ready for him to make all things new.

--

Wherever I go

There I am

A calm, collected self I am

In touch with my feelings

In touch with my dreams

The next year will unfold

Beautifully.

--

There’s lots to like about me

But I can’t always see it

There’s lots to like about me

But I can’t always see

The good in me God put there

I’m really not sure why

But I’m learning how to like me

Because God says I shine

With many glitters of his glory

I’m his and he is mine.

--

What a joy to know weight lifted

Free from my inner despair

Left my secrets on the altar

From God’s hand been given care

No longer bound, no longer victim

Released from sin and shame

“Beloved Daughter” is my

Eternal state and name.

--

Freedom is coming

This I know

When fears arise,

To the Lord I go

My gentle shepherd

Protects his sheep

I can rest and sleep in peace.

--

I’ve been through a lot

But this one thing I know

I’ve got a wonderful places to go

Good head on my shoulders

Dreams high and wide

I will do valiantly,

In my corner of the sky.

--

There’s a room just for you

Where you’ll grow and explore

Finding your way

To freedom’s door

Good head on your shoulders

And friends near and far

You will do fabulously

Wherever you are.

--

I thought the road had ended

But it had just begun

A part of me was hidden

Behind what ifs and shame

But now I’ve got a future

By finding me again

Archery and fishing

Hanging out with friends

I thought the road had ended

But it had just begun.

--

However did I get here?

Whatever did I drink?

Laying it all on the table

It was easier than you’d think.

--

Sometimes life gets boring

I’m facing it alone

In my room my tears are pouring

There’s nothing to be done

 

I wonder if it’s worth it

To take another breath

Part of me feels hopeless

Part of me wants death

 

But that’s not the deepest part of me

That’s not what brought me here

I want a life worth living

Joy and laughter, good friends near.

 

Sometimes I forget

The worth I have

All I can see are flaws

But with help I will remember

I am lovely, quirks and all.

 

--

 

You might try to fool me

But I’m not gonna be fooled

You might try to use me

But I won’t be your muse

I’ve got a lot of anger

Poking at my sleeves

If there’s anything you taught me

It’s I’m never gonna please

Some people some times

So I’d be better off pleasing

This broken heart of mine

 

I’m tired of blaming myself

For what you’ve done

I know when I am valued

I’ve found the perfect one

 

You might try to fool me…

--

There’s times when I forget you

Yet you’re always there

There’s times I fear I’ve hurt you

Yet you’ve always cared

I wonder why I slip into

Living like you’re not

Lord help me to be quiet

And wait for what you’ve got

A heaven that’s for certain

A kingdom that is here

You’ll never stop hearing

So I’ll bring my every fear.

--

Truths to uncover

Wounds to heal

So much strength though

The pain is real

Finding your way

To a life lived full

Rising from ashes

Loved and beautiful.

--

Before you float

You must leave the shore

Where everything’s safe, tidy, moored

But only in the water’s deep

Will you reach the height

You were meant to leap

Nothing is easy

Nothing is cheap

He gives to his beloved

Even in his sleep.

--

Everything is shifting

I’m on sinking sand

I’m getting kinda shaky

Wherever can I stand?

Please show me how to follow

With everything I’ve got

--

I’ll let my yes be yes

And my no be no

I won’t be afraid

To let me feelings show

Life’s too short

To keep it inside am me

Heart open wide

I can’t please everyone

All the time

But I can be me

And that’s just fine.

--

There’s a tug o war

Inside o me

Keeping me from feeling free

I’d like to have some peace inside

I’d like to feel arms open wide

To get my sad and worried parts

From making wars and causing fights

I think I’ll find a nicer way

By making friends with me today.

--

There are times I wonder

If I’m just taking up space

From someone more important

Someone smart or pretty-faced

But then I recall how Jesus

Loved the least of these

He tells me I belong here

Cause he created me.

--

Unstoppable is my word of the year

I’m leaving behind

Perfectionism, anxiety, fear

Good head on my shoulders

Good future to scout

Friends new and older

I’ll figure it out

Jesus, my pilot

Will guide me each day

Unstoppable me

Nothing’s getting in my way.

--

 I've lost at love

been heart-broken

learned life lessons

heard wisdom spoken

Not going to let it

ruin my day

I'm a survivor

Come what may.  


--

A part of me is groaning

another's afraid to hope

I'm caught between the longing

and the shame of trying to cope


He hasn't gotten better

if anything, gotten worse

but here I am worrying

if I'll end up as his nurse


A part of me has courage

and knows a better way

I'm ready now to listen

and give my heart a break


Lord, help me with the sadness

Lord, help me with the grief

As lonely as I feel now, 

I know you'll never leave. 

---

I'm spreading my wings

I'm ready to fly

No holding me back

I'm touching the sky


Fears won't define me

I've learned how to stay

Strong in myself

At school and at play


Hope on the horizon

Grace in my heart

My future is waiting

I'm ready to start


God, give me the grace

to not put you aside

amid all the hustle

amid all my pride

I know you go with me

I'm never alone, 

Your unfailing love

is my forever home. 

___

I'm coming undone;

I'm coming undone.

I'm not sure when it will end

Or where it had begun. 


Things are unraveling

to my left and my right

tears have been my companion

all through the night


My pillow is damp

Can't get out of bed

At times in this pain, I feel

I'd be better off dead. 


Lord, help I'm drowning!

The shrapnel is real

I don't know what to think 

or how to feel. 


Cradle me tenderly

close to your chest

Remind me you see beauty

when all I see is mess. 

___

There's a light at the end of this tunnel

A peace at the end of this song

I've been waiting to get to the end

But Christ has been with me all along


Nothing is easy in this life

I've taken some hits now and then

If I hadn't had Jesus with me

Lord knows where I would've been


Some lessons get learned the hard way

I'm grateful nonetheless

That God has good plans for my future

to make beauty from this mess


There's a light in the midst of the tunnel

A peace in the mid of the fight

No longer am I waiting the ending

Because Christ is with me in the night. 

__

So much about me

I can't explain

lots to uncover

laughter and pain

just when I think

there's no more to see

I find a new treasure

inside of me


It can be scary

looking inside

not sure if I do

I won't want to hide

but if I keep trying

one day I'll see

newly loved parts of me

flying and free. 

__


I've created a monster 

that's bigger than me

it started so cute

and cherubimy

promising peace and 

complete certainty

Now it's gigantic

and eating my lunch

I can't get to bed

without fielding the big hunk

of worry and what ifs

and habits and games;

it started so innocently

now I'm in chains.

Lord, help me to trust you

give me the key, 

so I can get back 

to just you and just me

without this big

son of a bum

OCD.