By Jen Hunt, LPC
Sometimes, when my patients are working on an exercise in session, I have a few moments to myself. Occasionally, I use that time to write them a rough draft of a poem, which I give to them at the end of the session. Here are some of the ones I've done over the years. (All identifying information has been removed.)
My Savior is with me
All day and night
He’s led me through valleys
I’ve found the green grass
I’m peaceful, contented,
His child first and last
His burden is easy,
His yoke holds me fast.
--
What’s it like to play all day?
What’s it like to have something
to say?
Something to share and someone who
cares
Someone who stays and dries all my
tears?
I never knew that in my childhood,
years
But I can explore that now, in
here
Or in a journal to myself
A note with my inner child’s help.
--
Held back for a time
The next year is mine
I’ve said my goodbyes
On God’s wings I’ll fly
With worship, healing, friends in
view
I am ready for him to make all
things new.
--
Wherever I go
There I am
A calm, collected self I am
In touch with my feelings
In touch with my dreams
The next year will unfold
Beautifully.
--
There’s lots to like about me
But I can’t always see it
There’s lots to like about me
But I can’t always see
The good in me God put there
I’m really not sure why
But I’m learning how to like me
Because God says I shine
With many glitters of his glory
I’m his and he is mine.
--
What a joy to know weight lifted
Free from my inner despair
Left my secrets on the altar
From God’s hand been given care
No longer bound, no longer victim
Released from sin and shame
“Beloved Daughter” is my
Eternal state and name.
--
Freedom is coming
This I know
When fears arise,
To the Lord I go
My gentle shepherd
Protects his sheep
I can rest and sleep in peace.
--
I’ve been through a lot
But this one thing I know
I’ve got a wonderful places to go
Good head on my shoulders
Dreams high and wide
I will do valiantly,
In my corner of the sky.
--
There’s a room just for you
Where you’ll grow and explore
Finding your way
To freedom’s door
Good head on your shoulders
And friends near and far
You will do fabulously
Wherever you are.
--
I thought the road had ended
But it had just begun
A part of me was hidden
Behind what ifs and shame
But now I’ve got a future
By finding me again
Archery and fishing
Hanging out with friends
I thought the road had ended
But it had just begun.
--
However did I get here?
Whatever did I drink?
Laying it all on the table
It was easier than you’d think.
--
Sometimes life gets boring
I’m facing it alone
In my room my tears are pouring
There’s nothing to be done
I wonder if it’s worth it
To take another breath
Part of me feels hopeless
Part of me wants death
But that’s not the deepest part of
me
That’s not what brought me here
I want a life worth living
Joy and laughter, good friends
near.
Sometimes I forget
The worth I have
All I can see are flaws
But with help I will remember
I am lovely, quirks and all.
--
You might try to fool me
But I’m not gonna be fooled
You might try to use me
But I won’t be your muse
I’ve got a lot of anger
Poking at my sleeves
If there’s anything you taught me
It’s I’m never gonna please
Some people some times
So I’d be better off pleasing
This broken heart of mine
I’m tired of blaming myself
For what you’ve done
I know when I am valued
I’ve found the perfect one
You might try to fool me…
--
There’s times when I forget you
Yet you’re always there
There’s times I fear I’ve hurt you
Yet you’ve always cared
I wonder why I slip into
Living like you’re not
Lord help me to be quiet
And wait for what you’ve got
A heaven that’s for certain
A kingdom that is here
You’ll never stop hearing
So I’ll bring my every fear.
--
Truths to uncover
Wounds to heal
So much strength though
The pain is real
Finding your way
To a life lived full
Rising from ashes
Loved and beautiful.
--
Before you float
You must leave the shore
Where everything’s safe, tidy, moored
But only in the water’s deep
Will you reach the height
You were meant to leap
Nothing is easy
Nothing is cheap
He gives to his beloved
Even in his sleep.
--
Everything is shifting
I’m on sinking sand
I’m getting kinda shaky
Wherever can I stand?
Please show me how to follow
With everything I’ve got
--
I’ll let my yes be yes
And my no be no
I won’t be afraid
To let me feelings show
Life’s too short
To keep it inside am me
Heart open wide
I can’t please everyone
All the time
But I can be me
And that’s just fine.
--
There’s a tug o war
Inside o me
Keeping me from feeling free
I’d like to have some peace inside
I’d like to feel arms open wide
To get my sad and worried parts
From making wars and causing
fights
I think I’ll find a nicer way
By making friends with me today.
--
There are times I wonder
If I’m just taking up space
From someone more important
Someone smart or pretty-faced
But then I recall how Jesus
Loved the least of these
He tells me I belong here
Cause he created me.
--
Unstoppable is my word of the year
I’m leaving behind
Perfectionism, anxiety, fear
Good head on my shoulders
Good future to scout
Friends new and older
I’ll figure it out
Jesus, my pilot
Will guide me each day
Unstoppable me
Nothing’s getting in my way.
--
heard wisdom spoken
Not going to let it
ruin my day
I'm a survivor
Come what may.
--
A part of me is groaning
another's afraid to hope
I'm caught between the longing
and the shame of trying to cope
He hasn't gotten better
if anything, gotten worse
but here I am worrying
if I'll end up as his nurse
A part of me has courage
and knows a better way
I'm ready now to listen
and give my heart a break
Lord, help me with the sadness
Lord, help me with the grief
As lonely as I feel now,
I know you'll never leave.
---
I'm spreading my wings
I'm ready to fly
No holding me back
I'm touching the sky
Fears won't define me
I've learned how to stay
Strong in myself
At school and at play
Hope on the horizon
Grace in my heart
My future is waiting
I'm ready to start
God, give me the grace
to not put you aside
amid all the hustle
amid all my pride
I know you go with me
I'm never alone,
Your unfailing love
is my forever home.
___
I'm coming undone;
I'm coming undone.
I'm not sure when it will end
Or where it had begun.
Things are unraveling
to my left and my right
tears have been my companion
all through the night
My pillow is damp
Can't get out of bed
At times in this pain, I feel
I'd be better off dead.
Lord, help I'm drowning!
The shrapnel is real
I don't know what to think
or how to feel.
Cradle me tenderly
close to your chest
Remind me you see beauty
when all I see is mess.
___
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
A peace at the end of this song
I've been waiting to get to the end
But Christ has been with me all along
Nothing is easy in this life
I've taken some hits now and then
If I hadn't had Jesus with me
Lord knows where I would've been
Some lessons get learned the hard way
I'm grateful nonetheless
That God has good plans for my future
to make beauty from this mess
There's a light in the midst of the tunnel
A peace in the mid of the fight
No longer am I waiting the ending
Because Christ is with me in the night.
__
So much about me
I can't explain
lots to uncover
laughter and pain
just when I think
there's no more to see
I find a new treasure
inside of me
It can be scary
looking inside
not sure if I do
I won't want to hide
but if I keep trying
one day I'll see
newly loved parts of me
flying and free.
__
I've created a monster
that's bigger than me
it started so cute
and cherubimy
promising peace and
complete certainty
Now it's gigantic
and eating my lunch
I can't get to bed
without fielding the big hunk
of worry and what ifs
and habits and games;
it started so innocently
now I'm in chains.
Lord, help me to trust you
give me the key,
so I can get back
to just you and just me
without this big
son of a bum
OCD.
__
I've got a good head
on my shoulders.
I've got a good heart
in my chest
I'm learning to hand
Jesus my burdens
And to lean on him
when I need rest
Life hasn't always
been easy
More I could say
but I won't
Otherwise this will sound
cheesy
And if anything's true
that I am not.
__
Thoughts swriling
inside my mind
why can't I be a good
friend to myself and be kind?
It's gotten quite heavy
this burden I feel
I wish I could let go
and find hope that is real.
Life isn't easy
even at thirteen,
Lord, wipe all my tears
and my slate clean.
Only you can do that
and help me be free.
__
Friends. What a mixed bag.
Some jewels and some junk
But this time I'm determined
not to get in a funk.
When they whisper,
look sideways, tell lies,
or act rude
'cause I've learned
that dep down,
I'm in gharge of my 'tude
No one can make
me feel this or feel that
I get to say
what I think, feel or act.
I'm stronger, more stable,
less prone to react
'cause no matter
what's thrown at me
God's got my back
and I'm not giving up on me
that's a true fact.
__
Start of a rap for a patient struggling with body image:
I'm [Johnny Joe]* and and I'll cut to the chase
I'm tall and big and I take up space
And I will not apologize
for my divinely ordained size....
*name withheld
--
If it weren't for my dog,
I'd end up in a bog
If nothing gives
I'll stay in this fog
half awake
everything's take take
Exhausted and reeling
if I could just
keep on stuffing my feelings---
that's not going so well
I've created my own hell
where's God when I need him?
May as well be down and defeated.
What's that I hear?
A rescue copter
coming near?
I can't get up
he'll have to come down
If I hadn't looked up
I'd have never been found.
I have never heard
a more needed sound.
--
Weight off my back
nothing I lack
I'm growing through pain
found my footing again
The season was dark
on my back --a mark
but I can stand tall
'cause I've not given up on me
through it all.
__
Anxiety didn't get
the last word
I'm finding my groove
free as a bird.
Nothing and no one
can tear me down now
I just needed God
and some time
to figure out how
to find peace
when my heart ached
joy where I am
Look out you meanies,
[Girl Monday's]* in town!
--
Keepin' it real
Keepin' it chill
Battles surround me
but I stay on my hill
away from the chaos
my life so sublime
you've got your choices
and I've got mine
at times it feels hopeless
here, all alone
but part of me longs
for a place called home
_
I'm bearing good fruit
I'm close to the vine
He's taking my burden
his lightness is mine
What a strange economy
where fruitfulness
can lightness be
--
For some life is short
For some life is long
But no matter the length
There is pain when they're gone
If they mattered to you
And you mattered to them
The love that remains
Is a bittersweet song
--
Am I back where I started?
Is all my growth gone?
Will I never get passed this?
Will it take far too long?
Discouragement whispers
You? Deserve peace?
But the Shepherd, he prepares
a table for me.
--
I'll miss him at the doorway
I'll miss him at the beach
Had him since I was wee little
Always been there at my feet
Nothing feels quite right now
Knowing he'll be gone
Losing a four-pawed angel
is a bittersweet song.
--
Silence is golden
only this time, it's not
no one seems to see
me here, in this spot
Even God feels distant
I'm coming up dry
Does he really have a bottle
for the tears that I cry?
I will sit here a moment
and contemplate why.
(Psalm 56:8; Rev 7:12)
--
Did I almost lose here?
Hard to tell.
Getting a call from the social worker
handled it well
But, here in the aftermath
Something feels off
I see she is struggling
Lord, keep me soft
In the parenting journey
May I run to the cross
When I don't have the answers,
when I feel lost.
--
"A caterpillar can't butterfly
without proper rest"
I've taken a slower road
God knows bets
What once seemed pressing
I'm letting go
The shedding of layers
fuels inward growth
"A caterpillar can't butterfly
without proper rest"
I've taken a lighter road,
God knows best.
--
I'd like to fly
on the wings of a dove
away from the heavy
and undone stuff
missing my daughter
feeling alone
work has me dragging
and longing for home.
Will things get better
anytime soon?
Is there hope for me here, or
should I fly to the moon?
Lord, help me feel seen,
known, and understood.
Help me trust that even now
you've prepared me a room.
--
If eyes are the lamp
of the body
my whole body full of light
Then what shall I say
of my eyebrows
Truth-telling what's inside?
--
If she's flesh of my flesh
bone of my bones
Why do I sometimes
feel all alone?
Has the tree been cut down?
Is no life to be found?
Within these four walls
where silence resounds?
or
Is there a root growing
from the tree's stump?
If I run from the knowing
If I let love hang limp
I will never find out
so I'll choose to stay in
Hurting, yet grounded
Suffering, yet seen
If there's a God who can heal me,
on him I will lean.
--
So much has happened?
Where do I start?
Where can I find
a safe place for my heart?
Enemies surround me
Outside and in
Oh, if I could fly,
upon a dove's wings
So much is quick sand
So much is dross
there's not enough ink
to narrate the loss.
Lord, you are solid
Rock for my feet
Come quickly, come near
so I feel your heart beat.
--
It's what I always wanted!
--or so I thought
It's what I always hoped for--
yet, my joy is caught
stuck between the longing
for something more
Tell me what just what
Is [Mabel Julian] for?
I'll fly to the rainforest
I'll float on the sea
I'll climb the deepest cavern
to discover me.
__
Everything's good
Everything's fine
if only I could believe that
when I look inside
For all of my wins
I still feel not enough
I wish I could be nicer on me
and not always so tough
I'm ready to learn
how to be a good friend
to the one I will be with
to the very end.
--
The loss still seems fresh
why am I a mess?
My son wore his coat
Dad would've loved the notes
that he sang on stage
God, give me the grace
to move on from this place
even though data is lost
may my memories not be erased
with you as my Touchstone
there's nothing I can't face.
--
Salt in the air
sand in my toes
Waves in my heart
wherever I go
Is the tide coming in
or on its way out?
I will sit here and rest
till I have no doubt.
--
No longer shaking
no longer scared
I'm finding my footing
releasing my cares
I used to wake up
in a million directions
frozen by fears
and a sense of rejection
Now, I'm no more
at the end of my rope--
I'm at peace with myself
Anchored to Hope
There's more to discover
inside my heart
with Jesus beside me
I will embark...
--
I have a garden
inside my heart
I'm strong and I'm kind
and I'm spiritually smart
The bad things that happened
when I was young
are coming undone
in the light of the sun
Jesus, my fortress
was there all along
here in my garden
I hear his song
Darkness has fled
I'm free and I'm safe (or brave?)
Nothing shall harm me
In His embrace.
--
It's almost too much
My insides are clutched
But a part of me feels
It's time to be real
I'm remembering my worth
I'm heading toward a rebirth
Anything might happen
When I let the light in
__
It hasn't been easy
It hasn't been cheap
But I have sown love
and that's what I've reaped
My children are shelered
My soul has a home
I'm facing a future
Secure, not alone
God has been with me
right from the start
He will surley stay with me
Until I depart.
__
These waves, they wanna get me
but I'm safe here on the jetty
riding forward
till the child in me is free
Life is throwing me some curve balls
But I'm learning I can be small
since the God of heavens armies
covdrs me.
I am new
I am forgiven
I am strong and
I am seen
Yes, the God of all compassion
fights for me.
--
I'm Pippi Pims* [not real name]
and I take up space
The Lord's the Lifter of my face
And I will not apologize
for my divinely ordained size
I'm beautiful and happy, too
And dancing is my new venue.
--
Don't know how much someone means
until they're almost torn away
thank you, Jesus, for stepping in
to mend the fray
Things had almost unravelled
I was awaiting the gavel
but you turned our hearts back toward
and are showing us the way--
we both had things to learn
now we're taking things in turn
listening more to Jesus
and getting ourselves out of the way
Don't know how much someone means
until they're almost torn away
I wil lcling to Christ more clearly
come what may
--
I'm really okay--
felt that today
what a relief
more hope, less grief
Taking up space
Living in grace
Comfy in my own skin
At peace with the body I'm in...
for the win!
--
If I go up, you are there
if I go down, you're there, too'
Youre there if I go to Austin
or Kalamazoo
If I go missing,
I know you'll come find
Your live is the fierce and unstoppable kind
Nothing, but nothing, can
change your mind
My future is certain
My promise is wide
As you care for the birds
You will care for my life
With you, my Provider
of faith, work, and friends
I will taste life eternal
from now to the end.
--
In this world, there will be trouble
that is what you said
In this world there will be sorrow
that is what I dread
Hopes and dreams are being shattered
someone feels that they don't matter
Image bearers washed away
How hard it is to pray
Take my weary yoke upon you
Hear my broken sigh
Come and visit in my weakness
Lift me to on high.
--
I may have had setbacks
But I've gotten back up
I can hold my own self
like I held the wee pup
I'm learning contentment
I'm seeing new strengths
In this world I may have trouble
but I'm seeing Love's length
How high is the love of Christ?
How deep and how wide?
I may never see its end
but I'm here healing inside.
---
I thought I'd feel better
once the answer came back
but more questions keep coming
and my heart has grown slack
No idea where to go from here
confirmed in every fear
how do I look forward this year?
How can I see behind these tears?
Lord in this world I will have trouble
This you warned and this you knew
Perhaps I can find a rock to stand on
If I keep my gaze on you.
---
The tapestry's backwards
All I see are loose threads
but God's weaving something
and he'll lift my head
Facing my giants
wasn't my plan
But he goes before me
holding my right hand
I can't see the future
I donm't know what's ahead
I'll lay my burdens at his feet
and trust what he said
I am his beloved daughter
Apple of his eye
Even if none go with me
He will meet me in the sky.
--
To build a house
to build a life
to pay my bills
to hear my wife
None of this
can I achieve
Unless the Lord
enables me.
Not a breath
Not a sigh
escapes the sight
of God on high
Help me, Lord,
commit this day
to follow in
your narrow way and
enjoy your presence
come what may.
---
Where do I start?
Where do I end?
Who can I trust?
Who is my friend?
Nothing is certain.
Nothing is sure.
Put my head on my desk
To avoid the manure.
Grief has its talons
On all of my ways
Keeping me sullen
Counting the days
When joy will come easy
Bad come untrue
And I will move forward
both with--and without--you.
___
You were always my rock
And now I'm afloat
You were on I admired
and now I don't know
Everything's changing
and I'm left out to dry
Trying for healing
Asking God, "Why?
Why did this happen?
What will come next?
Be my Solid Foundation
and my certain Rest."
---
